I am starting this blog as a means to convey to you, at some point in your life, probably a long time from now, how deeply I love and cherish you. There are moments...breathtaking moments, where a simple smile from you just paralyzes my heart and reminds of what pure love is.
You are almost 8 months old now, and my heart is so torn. I have cherished every day with you. Watching you grow so quickly, from this sweetly scented little blob that could do little more than flail her arms and legs...to this jubilant spirit that offers reckless affection with a smile that glows brighter than the sun-the last 8 months have been amazing because of you.
As fantastic as it has been to see you grow and learn and accomplish things...it is so bittersweet because I have been forced to realize that those precious moments spent holding that 8lb. blob as she gazes knowingly into my eyes are gone forever.
Every day brings a new accomplishment that I am so proud of you for, yet each accomplishment is a moment in time that comes and goes in an instant, and when it is gone...it's gone. And for that reason, my heart breaks.
Every syllable you learn to speak, to me, justifies a grand parade and a national holiday to be celebrated often and yet when you bring us to our knees with something so spectacular as "nananananana", the moment is over so quickly because such a short time later offers some new accomplishment that you amaze us with.
The point, (I think) is that you are this amazing person that I can't wrap my head around. I feel these enormous swells of pride for you in my heart and everyday brings more "you" as you grow and become more expressive and more verbal. You change so quickly that looking at pictures from even a few months ago, I am left to mourn the loss of that baby, that one that doesn't even exist anymore. That's not to say that I don't love every new thing you do, but I feel like there has already been a million of you because you are new and different each day.
Each day that you wake up slightly different, able to do more, you become a new person for me to cherish and adore and I am left thinking about how lucky I am to have "the" you of that day, as well as all of the "You's" from before. I wish you could have known those You's that I knew...the You that could not quite coordinate your feet to take steps in your walker...that other You that could not quite utter syllables yet...and even that You that dropped her pacifier every three minutes and grunted and fussed until someone put it back into her mouth.
All of these lovely LuLu's that have come and gone as you have grown and developed...I have simply adored them all. I look forward fondly to the LuLu's that are yet to be, yet I desperately mourn the loss of all the old You's that are gone.
I know that I did not convey my point in a very efficient manner, but I can't seem to put it into words so I am left to ramble. You will learn that when I am passionate about something, I have a tendency to let my thoughts take this meandering journey rather than cut to the point. You my darling, are a passion of mine that justifies all the time in the world. Just thinking about you fills me with joy, so to write about you brings the type of warmth and contentment that most people could just wish for in their lives. I love you.
No comments:
Post a Comment