I can predict with 100% certainty that I will never be ready to share you with the world. You are just too precious; too special…I feel this lioness need to protect you by keeping you tucked safely into my arms.
I can also predict that as you grow and seek independence I will have to learn to adjust, I will simply have no choice in the matter. There will be no convincing you otherwise, and to try would be foolish because it would stop you from going out and doing such good in the world.
Just recently I bought you a walker, and the first time I put you into it, you seemed to have no interest. You just couldn’t quite figure out how to ‘go’ and I felt this sense of relief that maybe you would stay. The second time however, you adapted. After a confused first attempt I think you sensed the great power you could have if you could only just move….so you figured out a way to do it. By all accounts it was not the most graceful ballet, but you learned how to move both feet in concert with each other to maneuver yourself forward, just like a bunny that hops….two feet at a time to force yourself forward in this world.
But my dear, that just wasn’t quite good enough because you wanted to run as soon as you could walk. By the third time I put you in it, suddenly and without warning you were able to coordinate both feet independently of each other to take steps…tiny little cautionary steps forward….until you realized what you were doing and then within moments you were practically chasing the dogs down.
How exciting! My precious LuLu is able to follow me around from room to room like a shadow. Even with her new freedom, surely she is not ready to be independent, surely she will want to be where I am but with a sense of pride from getting there on her own…except that didn’t happen.
My excitement was brief because I soon realized that this new movement allows you not only the freedom to go wherever in the room you choose, following me around, but it also allows you the freedom to not follow me.
Now when I put you in the walker, rather than seeking me out in the kitchen, trying to stay under foot and curiously engaging in whatever I am doing…you instead choose to go your own way. It doesn’t bother you to be in a different room from me, you barely notice while you follow the cat around with that silly grin on your face.
Admittedly, I am not ready to have such a spit fire child moving in such a forthright manner through the world. You are barely 8 months old and already you seek your own adventures. I do sort of miss that clingy baby that needs me, and yet I am filled with such hope that all of this is meant to prepare me as a mother for what is to come. I am so thrilled with the possibility that you will be a child-a woman, that raises her voice when she feels strongly about something, without a shy or timid bone in her body. While I am sure there will be bumps in the road as you grow, just know that I would never ask for, or expect anything different.
As you forge your own path in your walker I feel so good about the fact that you will blaze a trail of you own as an adult and as you set the world afire, please always be confident in the fact, that even though I would rather keep you in some little bubble where I could protect you always, that I am so proud of the force that I know you are sure to be. You were never meant to follow me around like a puppy the way other kids might follow their mothers. You were meant to show the world what true strength is, and though I am shocked at how young you seem to have figured that out, I am thankful that you are here to show me. Just remember always, that no matter how strong you are and how many challenges you may need to overcome in your life…that it is always okay to go home to be safe in mommy’s arms when you need to. I will always be here to comfort you when you need me.
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