My Adorable Wilder,
You are three and a half months old now and I wanted to find a peaceful moment to let you know that I am amazingly, overwhelmingly, absolutely, wholeheartedly in love with you. I mean totally head over heels for you!
Your smile is the most precious sight I can even imagine, and you use it often to melt my heart. The connection I feel with you when I nurse you is one of the most powerful forces, if not the most powerful force of love I have ever experienced. We fought together to figure out the nursing thing, it took a week or two and a lot of frustration but then we "clicked" and I am so glad to have those times throughout the day where I get to nurse you. Those moments are such peaceful beacons of calm and happiness for me. We get to steal away a few times each day to enjoy those moments together, and when you look up at me in stare into my eyes while nursing, it sends volts of love and energy down my spine and makes the hairs on the back of my neck tingle. Those are moments when I feel absolute love.
You are growing so fast! At three months old you are 14 lbs and so cute. I look at your smile and it reminds me of Lulu when she was your age, those infinately happy eyes, those cute lips that turn up at the corners...you are so overwhlemingly sweet and adorable that it can't be put into words. I feel such a desire to protect you and love you and I love spending my days staring at you. I feel a swell of pride when you catch me staring at you and when our eyes meet and you flash that brilliant smile at me. I made you. I am SO proud of that.
I am so proud to be your mom. I have to admit that I am really happy that you seem to favor me a bit. At first it was hard because when you were tiny you nursed all day every day so I never felt like I got to replenish myself with time to rest and relax. But even through the exhaustion I was always secretly excited and proud that you chose me. Each time someone else was holding you and you looked over and saw me and cried for me, I was proud that you chose me. I am proud that you love me. I love to love you. I am excited to have you and this special bond that only we share. I can't even describe our bond, there are no words. Just this unspoken truth that we love each other more than any two people could possibly love each other. We both know it, you convey that to me each time you smile at me. I love cuddling up to you each day. I love to smell your sweet baby skin. I love to kiss your full cheeks. I love to hear your belly laugh...that joy reminds me of how fantastic my world is.
I am so thankful to have you and to be your mom. I am so in love with you. I know I sound like a blabbering idiot, but I am. That's what you do to me. I can't even compose myself because I love you THAT much. I can't wait to enjoy each day with you and I look forward to watching you grow up to be a man of strength, love, integrity and pride.
You will be such a great man some day, I feel it in every cell of my body.
No comments:
Post a Comment